Just to share with you...
"A week after our daughter Lauren was born, my wife Bonnie and I were completely exhausted. Each nite Lauren kept waking us. Bonnie had been torn in the delivery and was taking painkillers. She could barely walk. After five days of staying home to help, I went back to work. She seemed to be getting better.
While I was away she ran out of pain pills. Instead of calling me at the office, she asked one of my brothers, who was visiting, to purchase more. My brothers, however, did not return with the pills. Consequently, she spent the whole day in pain, taking care of a newborn.
I had no idea that her day had been so awful. When I returned home she was very upset. I misinterpreted the cause of her distress and thought she was blaming me.
She said, "I've been in pain all day.....I ran out of pills. I've been stranded in bed and nobody cares!"
I said defensively, "Why didnt you call me?"
She said, "I asked your brother, but he forgot! I've been waiting for him to return all day. What am I supposed to do? I can barely walk. I feel so deserted!"
At this point, I exploded. My fuse was also very short that day. I was angry that she hadn't called me. I was furious that she was blaming me when I didn't know she was in pain. After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was tired, irritable, and had enuf. We had both reached our limits.
Then somthing started to happen that would change my life.
Bonnie said, "Stop, pls don't leave. This is when I need u the most. I'm in pain. I haven't slept in days. Pls listen to me."
I stopped for a moment to listen.
She said, "John Gray, you'r a fair-weather friend. As long as I'm sweet, loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as im not, you walk right out that door."
Then she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted, she said, "Right now Im in pain. I have nothing to give, this is when I need u the most. Please, come over here and hold me. You don't have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Pls don't go.."
I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms, After a few mins, she thanked me for not leaving. She told me that she jus needed to feel me holding her.
At that moment, I started to realise the real meaning of love-unconditional love. I have always thought of myself as a loving person. But she was right. I had been a fair-weather friend. As long as she was happy and nice. I loved her back. But if she was unhappy or upset, I would feel blamed and then argue or distance myself.
That day, for the first time, I didn't leave her. I stayed. and it feels great. I succeeded in giving to her when she really needed me. This felt like great love. Caring for another person. Trusting in our love. Being there at her hour of need. I marveled at how easy it was for me to support her when I was shown the way. "
This is an abstract of what I am reading now.
In fact I am re-reading this book. Yah, jus another self-help book. But since i always feel touched everytime i read this section, so I thought i wanna share with you.
=)
While I was away she ran out of pain pills. Instead of calling me at the office, she asked one of my brothers, who was visiting, to purchase more. My brothers, however, did not return with the pills. Consequently, she spent the whole day in pain, taking care of a newborn.
I had no idea that her day had been so awful. When I returned home she was very upset. I misinterpreted the cause of her distress and thought she was blaming me.
She said, "I've been in pain all day.....I ran out of pills. I've been stranded in bed and nobody cares!"
I said defensively, "Why didnt you call me?"
She said, "I asked your brother, but he forgot! I've been waiting for him to return all day. What am I supposed to do? I can barely walk. I feel so deserted!"
At this point, I exploded. My fuse was also very short that day. I was angry that she hadn't called me. I was furious that she was blaming me when I didn't know she was in pain. After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was tired, irritable, and had enuf. We had both reached our limits.
Then somthing started to happen that would change my life.
Bonnie said, "Stop, pls don't leave. This is when I need u the most. I'm in pain. I haven't slept in days. Pls listen to me."
I stopped for a moment to listen.
She said, "John Gray, you'r a fair-weather friend. As long as I'm sweet, loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as im not, you walk right out that door."
Then she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted, she said, "Right now Im in pain. I have nothing to give, this is when I need u the most. Please, come over here and hold me. You don't have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Pls don't go.."
I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms, After a few mins, she thanked me for not leaving. She told me that she jus needed to feel me holding her.
At that moment, I started to realise the real meaning of love-unconditional love. I have always thought of myself as a loving person. But she was right. I had been a fair-weather friend. As long as she was happy and nice. I loved her back. But if she was unhappy or upset, I would feel blamed and then argue or distance myself.
That day, for the first time, I didn't leave her. I stayed. and it feels great. I succeeded in giving to her when she really needed me. This felt like great love. Caring for another person. Trusting in our love. Being there at her hour of need. I marveled at how easy it was for me to support her when I was shown the way. "
This is an abstract of what I am reading now.
In fact I am re-reading this book. Yah, jus another self-help book. But since i always feel touched everytime i read this section, so I thought i wanna share with you.=)
